I'm back at home in New York. With nothing better to do, I visited my old high school and watched a performance of the spring drama, 'The Crucible.' Needless to say, the experience was insufferable. When they wheeled out the noose, I exhaled a sigh of relief as I considered getting up on stage and using the damned thing myself.

The entire cast screamed their way through 2 and one-half hours of slurred, mumbled and butchered dialogue. At one point, the cacophony reached such an alarming decibel that I begged for the actors to be shot with tranquilizer guns. Alas, this did not happen, but I survived to tell the tale nonetheless.

Tomorrow I am visiting my friend in the city, and we will get high. Rejoice.