A parody based upon the notorious A List, updated two days ago and linked by Gawker.

The following may or may not be true, and is based on hearsay, rumor, and gossip -- most of it from relatively reliable sources, some from more dubious ones, and some based on my own suppositions. I have tried to make this list as accurate as possible, but in some/many cases I wasn't able to verify rumors. I have not put anything here that I know to be untrue. If you want, send me e-mail.

Bart. Nice guy. In committed relationship with French FOD. Failed marriage to and bitter divorce with Burt Reynolds. Wears either a thong or nothing at all.

Bravo. "Good guy in general", but humorless. Continues to be surprised that no one takes him seriously. Into group sex.

Chris. Has large porn collection. Does not write own blog.

Cormac. Neurotic link-bitch. Cokehead. I've received a couple of e-mails from store clerks and cashiers who said that Cormac was "condescending" and "extremely well hung."

Jamison. Size queen.

Jerwin. Described by some as "friendly", by others as "an evil, egotistical martinet." Likes threesomes, and uses hookers for same. Cheats on wife.

Jocko. Used steroids when he was younger. Supposedly a "total top", but I've been told otherwise. Linked to Diane Sawyer.

Jonno. Imperious towards his personal staff. Swinger. Rumored to enjoy pleasuring himself. Has a crude, stereotypically masculine approach to sex. Pothead and addicted to painkillers.

Kian. Hung like a tsetse fly. Very sweet. Former $cientologist.

Nick. Conceited. Born-again Christian. Claims to have sodomized Elizabeth Taylor.

Rob. Refreshingly modest. Likes to be slapped. Closeted heterosexual. Sleeps with bloggers.

Toby. "Arrogant self-centered bitch." Unpleasant. Rampantly insecure yet hideously conceited. Alcoholic. "We love him anyway."

Young Bradford. Has penchant for transsexual hookers. "Friendly to fans." Germophobe. Linked to Toby.