I came home from Clyde's last night just drunk enough to leave bratty, immature comments on random weblogs and attempt to make tater tots. Though I stopped short of putting the frozen potato delicacies in the oven (I don't have time to arrange them on a foil-lined baking sheet! Too many steps!), I did manage to mess around on AIM for two hours before passing out in my bed, teeth unbrushed and face unwashed.

The reason I was drinking on a Wednesday is because it seemed to be the only appropriate thing to do after seeing "Uptown Girls", the new Brittany Murphy vehicle in which she glams it up around New York City and learns a few lessons along the way. Though it won't be released until this weekend (I was at a screening, how cool am I?), I enthusiastically recommend the movie to friends, family, readers and anyone within earshot as I blab endlessly at the bar about my love for Brittany Murphy's wardrobe in "Uptown Girls".

WARNING: KEY PLOT TWISTS FROM "UPTOWN GIRLS" AHEAD

As I said earlier, Brittany learns valuable lessons in the film, such as how to make raccoon eyes seem fashionable again, and ways to not be totally fucking annoying the way you were in every other movie you've been in, with the exception of "Clueless", that totally ruled! Anyway, Brittany also learns to "wipe away the excess and find her center." For Brittany's character, this involves hawking all of your personal belongings on a sidewalk sale and auctioning off your deceased rockstar dad's guitar collection for a couple of thousand dollars. In the end, Brittany finds happiness, albeit in the form of an 8-year-old girl.

OK, NO MORE PLOT TWISTS AHEAD

And so in the spirit of embarking on lofty journeys of self-discovery that I'll never complete, I've decided to "find my center", as well. Tonight, I shall go through my entire closet and remove unstylish, ill-fitting or otherwise gratuitous apparel. Then I will donate it all to charity (after attempting to sell it at a consignment shop). There is simply no point in possessing 90 t-shirts, ten of which I wear on a regular basis. I'm sorry, but the 1998 Youth Leadership Conference XL t-shirt has got to go.

I can't wait to get started on my new project! I just have to get through six more hours of reading crappy weblogs work before I can embark on this exciting adventure.

Remainders: My tanktop is still up for auction on eBay! Check it out, fuckers.