It is Saturday night. I stayed in to write a paper. After finishing the fifth page, I closed Word and turned on the campus television station. I am absolutely obsessed with this one show. Two girls wearing a lot of mascara walk around campus and ask people stupid questions. "How many people do you think I've slept with? Do I look like a drug addict? Do you think I'm a slut?" They had this hilarious skit in which they pretended to be phone sex operators into beastiality. I'm laughing my ass off, wishing I had a television show of my own, and feeling like a total loser.

My boyfriend, who I hardly see outside of quick trips to the school cafeteria or brief naps in between acts of chaos, went to Dupont and didn't invite me. I should just become an alcoholic out of convenience -- I'm always alone! WHY AM I NOT DRUNK.