The Patriot Act of 2001 was passed by Congress to deter terrorist acts in the United States and around the world. In this same spirit of knee-jerk counterterrorism, I, too, did my part to expunge the First Amendment of any relevance or principle — by disabling comments on my Web site, thus enhancing security against anonymous criticisms, bitter remarks, unsolicited observations and other forms of Web-based terrorism. Though this measure lacked the technical sophistication to block dangerous, dark-skinned IP addresses, I still consider it to have been a success.

Of course, times change, and so does our government’s tolerance of scheming Arabs. To reflect this growing trend in civil liberties, I hereby guarantee to each and every reader the inalienable freedom to comment!

Some of you may abuse this privilege by posting mean-spirited ramblings, but as your president might say: Bring ‘em on!