It's funny how the "Let's Be Friends" talk prompts you not to be the person's friend but to run for the hills and never speak to the person again.

However, because I received the "Let's Be Friends" talk via voice mail at 4 a.m., it has prompted me only to run for my half-empty bottle of pinot noir and write a rambling entry that reconfirms the wild, undesirable disaster I've become since breaking up with my boyfriend in January.

But wait. Do friends get to make out? Do they get to cuddle? Hold hands, even? Flirt now and then?

No?

Sigh. I've lost at my favorite game.