My new iSight video camera makes me want to do things that are wrong — very, very wrong. And we all know what happens when I want to do things that are wrong: I do them!

To wit: I initiated a video chat yesterday with the gay boogeyman — aka Geek Slut of geekslut.org. The moment the bare-chested Geek appeared on my desktop, I became acutely aware of iSight’s limitations. (Despite the camera’s auto-focusing F/2.8 lens and noise-suppressing microphone, iSight does not permit the physical transmission of furry pectoral muscles and engorged genitalia.) Damn you, technology! You are both the base and bane of my sad, tedious, sexually lacking existence.

If only Geek lived in D.C. We’d fuck. I’d subsequently ignore his phone calls. Months would stretch by. Horny and self-hating, I’d call him one random evening. And unlike the other older men I’ve slept with, Geek wouldn’t have the pride to say no.

(There, I’m done. This is the part where you post comments about how much of a whore/ alcoholic/ insipid hack I am.)