This is the back corner of my family's yard. I planted that tree in a milk carton in first grade, and now it's almost fully grown. This is symbolic of something, I think.

Ah, what suburban dwelling would be complete without an above-ground swimming pool? Our yard is steeply sloped, so the pool is sort of 50 percent below-ground, 50 percent above-ground. But don't get me wrong — it's still 100 percent trashy.

My dog Zachary likes to stick his head in shrubbery. He also likes to lick tomatoes off the vine and eat them once they fall to the ground. <3

Another picture of Zachary. Do not be fooled. Behind that pout is an evil genius with only one thing on his mind: Licking everyone in sight!

Here is a very large tree in the other corner of our yard. Damn, we've got trees out the ass, don't we?

OK, Zach, sit! Sit. Siiiit! Alright, now stay. Zachary, stay! Good boy. OK, Zach, 1... 2... 3... (Snap!) Ah, Zachary, no! Stop licking the camera! Noooo!