Mail bag!
Dear Toby,
I've been intermittently reading your blog for a while now and I find myself increasingly troubled by the depth of hatred you've come to wield not only at yourself but also at innocent people who do little more than make themselves known to you. You've become the homosexual equivalent of a trapdoor spider, is no one safe from your venomous critique? It is my firm belief that the gay species are appointed to uphold the weak, protect the meek and defenceless and to defend the female species from the ignorant tyranny of our straight counterparts. That shows genuine strength of character. I don't know where or when you strayed from the path but please have the humility to 'commute' back onto it before you give our kind a bad name. Sarcasm and bitchiness isn't a tool for social elevation and as a defence mechanism it betrays deep seated underlying insecurites. I hope this has enlightened you.
18 y/o student, UK
Dear student,
Hi! Thank you for taking the time to write to me. Things must be so busy for you, counseling troubled teenagers in Belize and launching an Armenian computer center and all.
>I've been intermittently reading your blog for a while now
You check my site every day and cut yourself when I don't update.
>You've become the homosexual equivalent of a trapdoor spider, is no one safe from your venomous critique?
Trapdoor spiders are often mistaken for funnel-web spiders but their bites are not dangerous. I should warn you, however, that close contact may lead to swelling.
>It is my firm belief that the gay species are appointed to uphold the weak, protect the meek and defenceless
Appointed to be gay? Where was I when they were doling out homosexuality? Damn it, I could have sworn I was in the returns/ exchanges line.
>I don't know where or when you strayed from the path but please have the humility to 'commute' back onto it before you give our kind a bad name.
Discovered by Charles Darwin in 1836, members of the homosexual species spend their lives searching for a mating partner, creating shelter in which to rear their young, and upholding the species' pristine reputation for deference and civility. I would hate to be the one to fuck things up and give gay people a bad name. So, to where exactly am I commuting back, and can you lend me fare for the bus?
>Sarcasm and bitchiness isn't a tool for social elevation and as a defence mechanism it betrays deep seated underlying insecurites.
Your message is really making me feel good about myself and has encouraged me to extend this same positive energy to those around me.
>I hope this has enlightened you.
Oh, it certainly has.
Love, Toby.