• Both the restaurant and my internship scheduled me to work this morning. Though the former pays the bills, serving watercress salads to politicians' wives is not my life's work — so goodbye, lunch shift; hello, promotional event at a used car dealership in Virginia! As expected from someone so out of touch with the concept of "Let the punishment fit the crime," the day manager took away my dinner shift as a penalty for this morning's misdeed. Oh, dear God, now I am left with an open Saturday night, free to do whatever I choose! Clearly, I will lounge around, get drunk, smoke some weed, laugh with my friends, and think long and hard about my actions. Douche bags.

• Breaking news: Many gay men are catty and like to gossip.

• Old Camel Toe is a funny blog written by — surprise! — a self-hating alcoholic gay boy. In many ways, he is a lot like me. (And in too many ways, his entries are a lot like mine.) Whatever. He's cute. But, please, reconsider any hairstyle that necessitates use of a curling iron.