• I'm loving Andy Dick's new show, "The Assistant." I'm loving Colin (above), the hot contestant, even more. This sexy Southern 19-year-old (with a sexy sizable mole on the right side of his face) even has a cunty sense of humor. When a midget dove into Andy's pool and immediately found the missing lens for which Colin had spent all day searching, Colin smirked, "He found it in a heartbeat. That made me feel small." LOL.

• Gay marriage may be the new abortion, but with Planned Parenthood's "social fashion line," the premature expulsion of a nonviable fetus never goes out of style. (Spanks, Mike!)

UPDATE: The Planned Parenthood link seems to have been aborted. Here is a picture of the T-shirt, still viable for your enjoyment.

• Cargo wants you to know that shaving against the grain is bad. Thanks for the insider tip! It's not as if this cursory knowledge of facial grooming has been drilled into my head from every episode of "Queer Eye" ever. I also appreciated the sidebar about Victorinox's new hard drive-enabled Swiss Army knife. It reads: "Which would you rather keep on your key ring: your screenplay draft or a fish scaler?" Yes, right, of course, my screenplay draft. Gee, it's so cute when underpaid magazine scribes have big Hollywood dreams.