Britney has "privately admitted" that she is less than eight weeks pregnant, according to Australia's Herald Sun. I can only assume it is with Kevin's child.

Sources say she is merely staging a fake pregnancy to steer off the media and that her "bump" is just a denim fannypack full of Fritos and lip gloss. [via]

And it might pay for Britney to listen to Gwen's new single, in which she warbles prophetically, "What are you waiting for, you stupid ho?" [via]

In other news, I may have unintentionally had sex with a street hustler. I'll elaborate later. Or not.