A dark plague has descended upon my friends (all four of them!) and me like a swarm of disgruntled locusts — or, as it were, a swarm of contagious airborne pathogens. The cause of this debilitating menace? Stress, perhaps. We have all been working so diligently at school, at internship and at underpaid extracurricular job. The strain of such reckless productivity has materialized into a melee of coughs, sniffles and scratchy throats. Woe is the overworked college student!

Or, it's because we get fucked up every night on cheap sparkling wine and Yuengling. Ow, my immune system hurts.