I really hate my doctor. His secretaries are rude, and whenever I call to make an appointment, no one picks up and I'm forced to leave a voice mail to which inevitably no one will reply. And yet I keep coming back! This is not unlike the phenomenon of my racist dentist back home who likes to jokingly tell my mother that "Toby's teeth are just fine, oh, except for the marijuana stains," but I'll save that story for another day.

So as I mentioned before, I went to my doctor yesterday for a referral to an orthopedic. After he surmised that I have a sinus infection and prescribed me some antibiotics and a cough suppressant, the doctor glanced at my MRI results and said the findings were "unremarkable." This is interesting, because I might just use the word "remarkable" to describe injuring one's elbow in October and still feeling pain three months later. Anyway, he referred me to the physical therapist who has an office in the basement.

I went downstairs and met with the therapist right away. He said I probably sprained a muscle that, at the time, sounded a lot like Anacostia but now I forget. After three weeks of therapy, I should be fine. I was then hooked up to a machine that shot spurts of electricity into my arm, it was like having a thousand muscle spasms in an isolated area for 10 minutes. Weird. After that, the therapist said it was time for the ultrasound. I asked if there was a baby in my elbow, so he laughed politely and added, "My assistant will take it from here."

And in comes his assistant. Seven feet tall, long ratty hair bunched up on top, big boned, grossly long fingernails, arm hair. And a feminine voice that cooed, "This won't hurt a bit." Oh my gawsh, his assistant is a transsexual.

Now, I don't know if you've ever had a transsexual give you an ultrasound before, but she was very gentle and we had a lovely conversation about the benefits of electrotherapy and its effects on tissue healing. It was all very surreal and I kept waiting for someone to break out into the Time Warp, but alas that moment never came.

To conclude on a positive note: My doctor didn't specify an amount on my cough suppressant prescription, so the pharmacy won't fill it. That fucking asshole.