My fever broke yesterday -- too bad it's met with no spectacle as frantic as when your water breaks -- but I still needed to go to the university's Health Center. Only there can I obtain one of those slips that would retroactively (and conveniently!) excuse me from missing class for the past three days.

It turns out that the Health Center has changed its policy. The secretary said too many students have "abused" the sick note system and so they no longer dole out slips unless you've been examined by a doctor. Considering the only diagnoses to ever emerge from that damned medical building are mono and pregnancy, I don't see how this new policy makes any sense.

Anyway, I begged the secretary to grant me a slip but she resisted.

"I can't give you a slip," she said, "but you do look pretty sick."

Oh, how gracious of you. I'm feeling better already.