It seems I've gone from one extreme to another, as far as my bed is concerned.

When I moved into my apartment last May, I tried to save money by getting a $200 futon rather than a $500 mattress. Believe it or not, I saw nothing wrong with this at the time. My two roommates had futons, as well, so why not be part of the Kool Kids Futon Club, too? After sleeping on the communal flip 'n' fuck for a few nights (looks a lot like this, only bigger and with more suspicious stains), my futon arrived and of course it was the most god awful thing I have ever slept on in my life.

Fast-forward seven months and I still hadn't upgraded to a proper bed. It wasn't until this past Sunday, while struggling to get a good night's sleep despite the monstrous back pain to which I had become accustomed, that I logged onto craigslist and arranged for the $130 purchase and delivery of a full size mattress and box spring. Yes, it is a used mattress. But we've all slept in hotels, and I endured the dorms for three years, and frankly, a blood-stained mattress is better than an immaculate, wafer-thin futon.

As it turns out, the mattress is gorgeous — not a stain or odor or pubic hair as far as the eye is willing to see. The moment it arrived, I jetted off to Linens 'n Things to pimp out my new bed with sexy new sheets (Jersey sheets seemed like a good idea seven months ago, but what do you know, I was wrong), a down comforter and an electric blanket. Yes, an electric blanket. Amazing. Get yourself one. You deserve it.

Okay, well, there is just one problem with the electric blanket. Despite how amazing it feels to slip into a toasty bed every night, the luxury wears off at around 3 a.m. when I wake up in a pool of hot sweat. Before my bed was too cold, but now it's just too damn hot. My sheets are always wet in the morning and I feel compelled to wash them every day.

And yes, I'm pretty sure the sheets are wet because of the blanket, okay? I'm not 13 years old — implying that when I was 13, I had wet dreams, not wet the bed, though to be honest, I've never had a wet dream.

Anyway, back to my inferno of a bed. Xo.