This parody of "The Ashlee Simpson Show" is just a little unfair. Now, if it were her dad depicted as fellating a record exec, that would be a different story...

Today I was one of those people who have nothing better to do on a Monday afternoon than eat lunch at Legal Seafoods and see 2 p.m. showing of "Be Cool." Man, what a weird-ass movie. The best scenes include The Rock, who is suddenly VERY hot and actually plays the role of a homosexual. During the last scene, I said, "Boy, I was really hoping they'd show The Rock with no shirt on" — and lo and behold, they do! Dreams really do come true.

Anyway, thank you all for those wonderful e-mails. I'm getting bent outta shape over nothing, but still — employment and apartment opportunities are always welcome.