Between finals and, well, finals, I've had the most ridiculously insane week, but I will reply to all those e-mails and begin podcasting/posting realllllllly soon. Augh, I am just so TIRED.

Posted by Toby at 09:44 AM | Permalink

Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.

Source: Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary.

P.S. The new Kelly Osbourne CD almost tricked me into liking it, but so far, I've resisted. Oh, except for that one song about date rape. Can't go wrong with that!

Posted by Toby at 11:39 PM | Permalink

Oh my dear god, I AM SO OLD.

Posted by Toby at 09:00 AM | Permalink

Don't forget about my birthday, y'all. Celebrate with Amazon.com, PayPal (no credit cards) or Amazon Honor System (credit cards only). Xoxo.

Posted by Toby at 09:59 PM | Permalink

I'm looking for a male stripper to dance at my 22nd birthday party tomorrow (Monday) night. If you or anyone you know lives in the D.C. area, owns a g-string, and is in good shape, please e-mail me!

Thanks!

Posted by Toby at 05:50 PM | Permalink

OH MAN WHO IS READY FOR THIS?!?!?!?!!!!

Ha ha, like I needed another reason to hate that whore Andie MacDowell.

Posted by Toby at 03:37 PM | Permalink

My friend is talking, of course, about a cork screw. ;)

It has been a very long day. I am sitting in my room with a glass of vermouth on the rocks. My grandmother drinks vermouth on the rocks while preparing the appetizers during family get-togethers. The thought of her is more calming than the alcohol.

Posted by Toby at 05:09 PM | Permalink

Shayna, we should have recorded the whole night, it was so much fun!

We are the next Regis and Kelly (who I love now, btw).

Posted by Toby at 01:38 AM | Permalink

Toby Halliwell leaps into his much anticipated 22nd birthday with a blast of something that simulates warmed-over Madge Weinstein (the lyrically ferocious Vividblurry Radio) and from there finesses into a stylish experiment in pounding away at the gay blogosphere's predictability.

Influences — not all of whom his strangely sycophantic fans will click to, or even find, in their bookmarks folder — loom large: While the Andy Towle-like posting of sexy shirtless (self-) portraits winds into his Pink is the New Blog-y obsession with Britney Spears, the lovelorn Toby taps a sweetly unself-conscious vein that owes gratitude to the otherwise highly un-Vividblurry-like Gary Jr.

Though Toby might balk at the comparison — he is, after all, the original gay teenage icon — fellow queen Bradford Shellhammer's stamp is pressed firmly into his stormy self-exploring prose.

Where Vividblurry.com intones loudest, though, is in its least-rocking, most relaxed podcasts: The first 'cast dips and bounces tantalizingly, begging hands-in-the-air listeners to literally LOL; the second digitizes a sexy but solo attempt; and the third (one in a sure-to-be collection of pouts over the pitfalls of stardom) ends on a don't-stop, bound-for-diva-dom note.

(Bwahaha, I'm a DORK! There's precedent though — check out last year's birthday announcement.)

Celebrate my birthday with Amazon.com, PayPal (no credit cards) or Amazon Honor System (credit cards only). I love you all!

Posted by Toby at 11:55 PM | Permalink

The one time I turn on "Regis and Kelly," the hosts are chattering about transexuals and whether "boys who think they're girls" should use the women's restroom.

"I understand what it's like emotionally to feel trapped in the wrong body. I get it," said Kelly, "But if you have the old parts, you should use the old parts bathroom!"

Cue audience applause.

Thanks for the early mornin' pearl of wisdom, Kelly Lee!

Posted by Toby at 09:21 AM | Permalink

I recorded the podcast on a better quality setting. Sadly the 'cast is peppered with IM sounds, as I was too stupid to leave my headphones plugged in.

P.S. Anyone see "Stacked" tonight? Worst evs!

Posted by Toby at 11:34 PM | Permalink

I bought a ticket to the Garbage show at 9:30 club this Wednesday. Sadly I have a final exam that night, so I can't go.

If anyone would like to buy the ticket from me for $45.25 - that is exactly what I paid for it, charges included - then email me by the end of the day. Otherwise it's going on craigslist. Xo.

Posted by Toby at 03:07 PM | Permalink

Hopefully I'll be less self-absorbed by the next podcast. Hopefully, but not probably.

Posted by Toby at 11:01 PM | Permalink

Britney's UPN show! May 17! Yay!

Sadly I will be in Mexico during the premiere. Do they have UPN in Acapulco?

Posted by Toby at 08:41 AM | Permalink

It's just me today. I blab on about hair products, my new cell phone, and Geri.

Podcast Part 1

Podcast Part 2

It's in two parts because I fucked up. In the first mp3, stop listening once I make an attempt to call my friend on iChat.

Posted by Toby at 12:25 AM | Permalink

Congratulations, Britney! Now that you're eating Cheetos for two, my cautionary guide to your pregnancy is finally relevant.

Posted by Toby at 09:06 PM | Permalink

Hello, dear readers (and listeners!). I need one more favor from you this week. For a journalism class, I am writing an article on sex addiction among gays and lesbians and its relation to chat rooms and dating Web sites. The article will never be published; it is for a class.

If you or anyone you know works for a relevant dating Web site or can be an authority of some sort on sex addiction, please email me right away — as in, TODAY.

I promise you that these "interviews" will consist only of an email with two or three simple questions. All I'm looking for is a good quote, not 20 pages of notes.

I appreciate all of your help!

Addendum: Okay, it's great that so many self-professed "sex addicts" read my site and are willing to help, but what I really need are authorities on sex addiction (not the addicts themselves) and people who work for online dating sites. Thanks!

Posted by Toby at 08:54 AM | Permalink

There's GoodPlasticSurgery.com and AwfulPlasticSurgery.com, which have gotten all the press, but what's the point of keeping a Web site on your blog roll when it's updated only twice a month?

For borderline defamatory celebrity before-and-after-and-after-and-afters, I go to Skin Deep. In the past week alone, this mystery blogger has ripped the bandages off of Ms. Olsen & Ms. Olsen, Ms. Watts, Ms. Kidman and — wow — Ms. Longoria ("a surgery-free beauty Eva is not," declares the cunty editor). You'd think Skin Deep would have a few lawsuits on its hands by now, but I guess it's hard to meet that pesky standard for libel — falsity — when all Google Image searches point to a nose job.

So enjoy Skin Deep and its archives. Congratulations, you've now lost two hours of your work day.

Posted by Toby at 08:45 AM | Permalink

Russell, Ag, Lauren and I discuss transgendered individuals in positions of authority, address the controversial issue of milk-filled breast implants, and leave a message on Britney Spears' voice mail.

Enjoy the first edition of Vividblurry Radio! Another podcast drops Wednesday.

Posted by Toby at 10:03 PM | Permalink

IMPORTANT FAVOR:

This is for a class assignment. If you work for any agency in Washington, D.C., that affects international relations in any way, please e-mail me. I was supposed to visit an agency and interview someone who works there, but I totally forgot.

The agency can be think tanks, departments or committees of the U.S. government, a multinational firm, an investment bank, or a lobbying organization representing some foreign government.

Seriously, it can be anything.

Please email me right away. Thanks!

Posted by Toby at 08:03 AM | Permalink

Great things are coming to Vividblurry.com on Monday. You can thank my favorite Jewish lesbian Madge Weinstein for the inspiration...

Posted by Toby at 02:43 AM | Permalink

Trying to find the following satellite images on Google Maps:

- my parents' sprawling suburban New York ranch (no imagery -- boo)
- the White House (I am so lame)
- Fresh Kills landfill on Staten Island (home, sweet home!)

Posted by Toby at 02:50 PM | Permalink

I'm redesigning my portfolio, which contains p.r. work, writing samples and maybe a few graphic design projects. If you have any ideas or tips for sprucing up a portfolio, feel free to let me know!

Yes, this is just one of so many entries where I ask for favors. Surprisingly, many of you haven't hesitated to shoot me an e-mail with little bits of advice or even just general platitudes of support. I appreciate it so much. I'm not alone in this inaugural search for a real job and a real apartment, but y'all have made it a tiny bit easier.

Posted by Toby at 12:35 PM | Permalink

The reason no one got the joke is because it wasn't funny.

Posted by Toby at 09:22 AM | Permalink

I wake up crying at 2 a.m. and then search this stupid fucking Web site for a "life hack" that will solve all of my problems.

Posted by Toby at 02:35 AM | Permalink

Maybe... JUST MAYBE... I might have a job.

But I need an apartment. Finding an affordable apartment is not fun. If I could afford a monthly rent of $1,500, finding an apartment could be a blast. But when your "Looks like I'll be eating Ramen every night" limit is $800, it can be a real pain in the ass.

Any tips?

Posted by Toby at 07:16 PM | Permalink

Good job, Jimbo. Let's encourage impressionable gay youth to smoke and bloggers to use frames.

Posted by Toby at 03:23 PM | Permalink

Oh my god, I need to get hammered. Seriously.

Posted by Toby at 03:00 PM | Permalink

Oh my god, I am SO FUCKING RELIEVED to know that I am not the only one who is TOTALLY OBSESSED with this commercial!

Addendum: Wow, I'm a retard — I just got the whole punny joke of the song: that the Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch is not only a sandwich but also a place (a ranch). Which is why they are singing a song about it. Shit, that is HILARIOUS.

Posted by Toby at 12:05 AM | Permalink