• An LA Gear shoebox filled with crap has a certain je ne sais quoi that shouts, "Open me!"

• Reading spiral-bound journals from your middle school years is a good way to get back in touch with your inner tormented and sexually confused child

• Your missing retainer won't find itself

• The discovery of a "C" paper graded in 2000 by your high school science teacher is met with the telling realization that you'd have sex with that teacher just four years later — and four years too late

• Better you than your parents