I haven't even gotten on the plane yet, and already our family vacation is off to a rocky start.

Dad: We have to leave the house at 5:30 a.m. tomorrow. What time are you waking up?
Me: 5 a.m.
Dad: (Angry, disapproving glare.)
Me: Okay, well, why don't you just tell me when I should wake up?
Dad: 4:45 a.m.
Me: Fine. Perfect.

Thank god this shit is all-inclusive, because I'll be hitting the pool-side bar once my flip-flop hits Mexican soil.

Now, because I've spent the last few days on my parents' sprawling suburban ranch and thus have way too much time on my hands, I've prepared a few entries to keep you clinging to your Vividblurry.com IV drip during my absence. They will be posted periodically by my kind friend Kai Azad. (He wanted to come along, but I don't think they allow dangerous minorities to board international flights.)

In the meantime, enjoy your week, knowing that yours truly is shirtless on a sandy beach, drunk and up to his ears in paperback chick lit.

Addendum: I don't speak Spanish very well, but my friend assures me that I'll have no problems: