If you wait tables, don't you dare get pissy after reading this entry, because I've waited tables, too, and I still wouldn't condone the fucked-up behavior of our server at Trio's Fox and Hounds last night.

I got to the restaurant at 6 p.m. and sat at a table on the patio with two friends. We all ordered beers with the intention of ordering food once our other friend arrived. The beers arrive, and for the next 10 minutes, the server — some lanky middle-aged career waiter — doesn't back down in asking if we'd like another round. Some servers are innocently awkward when trying to make a sale, so I assumed this was the case. Of course, I assumed incorrectly.

When I reached the half-way point of my Sierra Nevada, our hospitable server came back, not with another pitiful "Are you ready for another round," but with the check. Um, OK. The server explained that he "had to go" because his shift had ended. Whatever, asshole. If your shift is ending, don't take another table. And if you're really itching to get home, transfer the fucking table to another server. I just cannot believe how rude and awkward it was for the check to be dropped prematurely. But, because we are well-mannered guests, we pay the check anyway.

Here is where things got fucked up. I put cash on the table for my beer, along with an undeserved but generous (well over 20 percent) tip. My two friends put the remainder of the bill on their credit cards, but — unbeknownst to me — tipped only on the portion that had been placed on their cards. Now, this sort of thing happened to me all the time when I was a server, so I know damn well what it's like to get screwed.

Let me explain. A table of two pays a $50 tab in both cash and credit, giving the server cash — $25 plus a $5 tip — and telling him to put the remainder on the credit card. Because the table did not explain that the $30 in cash includes a $5 tip, the server comes back with a credit card receipt for only $20. Invariably, the receipt will be signed with a seemingly generous 20 percent tip — in reality, a meager $4. So the server ends up getting only a $4 tip on a $50 tab, even though the table had intended otherwise. Still, it's the table's fault, because during my year-long stint as a server, I came across no graceful way to explain to a table these complications before handing it the credit card receipt.

Shockingly, this didn't stop our server at Fox and Hounds from stomping over to our table and demanding to know why we left a $2 tip on a $36 tab. My two friends looked embarrassed and began to fumble in their wallets for some cash. "I'm sorry, I don't know how that could have happened," my friend said. Well, I know how it happened. You tipped only on the amount that had been put on your credit card. I apologized and explained this to the waiter, adding that this sort of thing happened all the time when I waited tables. The server then turned around in a huff and I never saw him again.

Never in my life have I approached a table and demanded a bigger tip. That sort of behavior is inexcusable, no matter the situation. I'll never drink at Fox and Hounds again, not that I care, because that place has sucked balls from the beginning.