Why do crackheads ride Metrobus at night? Because they're crackheads, and that is what crackheads do best: make poor life choices with no mind paid to reason or consequence. Granted, crackheads have nowhere to be on time — they have nowhere to be, period — so I guess it does make sense for crackheads to depend on Washington's public transportation system for all of their travel needs. But I'm a man on the go, I have places to be, damn it — so there is no excuse on God's green earth for my attempting to take a bus to Cleveland Park tonight.

The bus is supposed to come at 10:04 p.m. Its first stop is only a mile up the road, so there is no possibility of traffic congestion pushing back this time. I get to the bus stop at 9:55, because if Metro isn't late, it's early. Of course, more than 30 minutes later, I realize that Metro arrives neither late nor early — it just doesn't show up at all! Thanks for ruining my night, Metro! Gold stars all around.

You know, I was really looking forward to getting wasted at Atomic Billiards and seeing my friend Blair, who is visiting from New York. But like a rehabilitating crackhead, I must fight recidivism and instead take a god damn fucking cab next time. Ah, if only the D.C. Taxicab Commission operated in the interest of those who actually live here rather than the tourists who spend all of their time in a five-mile radius of the White House.

But that is an entry for another time. Good night, and don't even think of riding the bus.

UPDATE: I am not alone in my hatred of all things Metrobus.