Why submit to 'Bitch Session' when you could launch a blog?
From the people who brought you the "scoop" on "podcasts" - not to mention a weekly column by Jeff Gannon: It's Bitch Session!
For centuries, gay men - traditionally known for their near-stubborn reticence when it comes to expressing their thoughts, feelings and personal affairs to anyone within earshot - lived in silence.
Even today that is still very much the case. Fortunately for you and me, the Washington Blade's "Bitch Session" now generously provides frustrated homosexuals the opportunity to "speak their minds" - in print, no less! Let's take a gander, shall we?
He beats me because he loves me.
I'm 35. I'm not an old troll. I look better and younger than most of you overweight 20-somethings.
Roger wiped the tears from his eyes. He wasn't sure what bothered him more: the fact that he was openly weeping in the bathroom of JRs, or that none of the 20-somethings proceeding in and out cared to notice. But rather than confront his tragic age-inappropriate self-image issues, Roger elected instead to resent youth on an uncompromisingly wholesale level. "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough," he blubbered unconvincingly to no one in particular. "And God fucking damn it, people like me!"
Yes, but not enough to fuck you, Rodge. Sorry.
Everybody's a homo (pause) sapien. Of course, some of us are more animal than others.
Others are more vegetable.
(I love a good pregnant pause, but I had to risk the above quip in the hope that someone close to the author is in a coma.)
To the "Yard Gnome" who stalks me at the office: Get a clue, you have not a chance in hell with someone like me. You're highly unattractive, both inside and out. I'm younger than you, but still make four times as much money.
No, dude, don't. Just let him be. Let him get it all out. This is just something Dylan does, just ignore him. So, um, you've never seen him do this? Really? Oh man, totally! From what I've heard, the guy bumps a fuck-ton of crystal on Friday, stays up all weekend partying or whatever, then stumbles into the office Monday morning, only to accuse the potted plant in the lobby of stalking him! Ha ha ha, I know. But seriously, watching him only encourages him. Otherwise he'll move on to berating the water cooler.
Can someone explain to me what the hell amoebas are? That guy who caught them eating ass claims his doctor says they are everywhere in the gay community.
Hey, it's a small price to pay for the opportunity of sticking your tongue in a stranger's anus. Amoebas - gotta catch 'em all!
Comments
Spot on Toby. Tho what is vividblurry but a better written, infinitely funnier version of 'bitch session'?
Posted by: Dan | December 1, 2005 12:05 AM
Wow.
Sometimes I get really worried that I'm vapid.
Good to know there are trillions of ghey menz out there helping to make me look like Mother Teresa.
Posted by: Dangerrr Lad | December 1, 2005 12:40 AM
What a pity the publication you refer to isn't available in my part of the world, I could use a laugh.
Posted by: Ben Harris | December 1, 2005 02:04 AM
i'm gonna go out on a limb and guess this one was written before the tylenol pm kicked in.
Posted by: mkf | December 1, 2005 03:29 AM
I live in the suburbs, so I don't read the Blade every week, but when I pick one up (or my partner picks one up and brings it home), I always read Bitch Session first. The combination of mountains-of-molehills and finding a way to blame all your own faults on someone else is schadenfreudelicious. I especially like it when a bitch from one week draws rebuttal bitches in a subsequent week. I'd prefer that the laws against public dueling be repealed, but until that glorious day arrives, at least we have Bitch Session.
Posted by: anapestic | December 1, 2005 09:56 AM
The Bitch session reminds me so much of my youth under the Nazi-collaborating Vichy regime. Everybody would send anonymous, scary, hate-filled letters about everybody else. Such an healthy way to release your anger !
Posted by: Tristan | December 1, 2005 10:58 AM
I have always wondered if "Bitch Session" is actually real people's bitches, or just a column invented and supplied for by creative Blade writers. I mean, what kind of person submits something to "Bitch Session?"
Posted by: Brechi | December 1, 2005 11:25 AM
I think that the comments in Bitch Session must come from guys in the neighborhood. Whether they are serious or not is open to discussion. However, it is clear that no one working at the Blade is creative enough to invent them week after week.
Posted by: Greg | December 1, 2005 04:53 PM
Every time I consider going to JR's I sit down and go through The Bitch Session instead. It's just like being there, but the drinks are cheaper in my kitchen.
Posted by: Dumbek | December 1, 2005 06:30 PM
I should share with you the bitchy contretemps that I had with Chris Crain over e-mail. Feckless fucks, the whole lot of them!
Posted by: Geoffrey | December 5, 2005 07:12 PM