yellow number 5 = hangover miracle cure
They say it helps to drink something with caffeine to cure a hangover.
Others advise "taking some hair off the dog that bit you" - in other words, knocking back the very thing that made your Sunday morning miserable in the first place.
Hmm. If only there was some magical substance that contained both caffeine and alcohol. A truly zany concept - SO ZANY THAT IT JUST MIGHT WORK!
The Drunkmaker!
This surely was the mental process behind the creation of Sparks, my favorite alcohol/caffeine/taurine malt beverage fusion in the world. And it doesn't hurt that Sparks contains a 100 percent daily value of Yellow Number 5! Oh man, doesn't hurt a bit.
Sparks has become a trusted part of my Sunday morning routine, along with brushing my teeth, apologizing to close friends, and, regrettably, vomiting into the toilet. I couldn't imagine my weekend without it. At least not realistically.
The drink is designed to both invigorate and inhibit - a dangerous combination. But when consumed while hungover, the orange beverage seems only to restore my energy levels to equilibrium, allowing the 6 percent alcohol content to take center stage and lull me into a deep, refreshing coma. Behold its effects on yours truly:
The photos taken after my clothes were removed and my body defaced with a Sharpie are much funnier.
The Gentleman Friend snapped this when I wasn't looking or, for all he knows, breathing. Not exactly the most flattering of angles - how could someone who vomits at least once a week have a double chin! I need to join a gym.
Speaking of which, has anyone been to the WSC on 20th and M? Your thoughts would be appreciated. Please note that Resluts on U Street is not an option at this time. I get enough missed connections as it is.
Comments
Ah, the old sleeping-double-chin picture, the bane of my existence. It seems everytime someone takes a picture of me sleeping, which in itself is a nice gesture, I'm making the most disgusting face.
Posted by: Scott | December 6, 2005 01:52 AM
hi toby! its your southern friend ;) listen, 20&M is a dump and a half. i really like it though. it has your absolute basics and no crowd..ever. unfortunately there arent too many cute guys to look at..present company excluded. i appreciate it cuz i can get a good workout in without having lots of queens trying to be all chatty. fortunately i have the fitness network so i can go to results to get my eyes full iffin i need it. let me know what u decide. hope you're well.
Posted by: southern28 | December 6, 2005 11:00 AM
No. They did not make a canned drink like that. Not possible.
Sparks? I'll say. Sounds like when I tried Vodka-RedBull. That was a special kind of drunk. Unique hangover, too.
The Boston Pheonix says of Sparks: "It tastes like carbonated cough syrup, sickly sweet, with a wince-inducing, orange-lemon flavor that takes a few sips to stomach."
Really, isn't this like Nyquil? I mean that has an amphetamine-like stimulant to jazz you up), a sleepy-time antihistamine (to dope you up), and alcohol (to make you think you're out having a good time).
Why not just serve Nyquil out of slurpy spigots at the bars?
Posted by: atari_age | December 6, 2005 03:31 PM
I think the double chin is the result of alcohol-induced facial relaxation. And the camera angle, too. :-)
Posted by: Brenda | December 6, 2005 05:29 PM
Where can I buy this magical beverage in DC?
Posted by: JB | December 6, 2005 08:01 PM
here in Canada we have something new called 'energy beer'.
yes, really.
nobody buys it.
Posted by: abstract truth | December 6, 2005 08:27 PM
pomegranate juice. pour into glass, allow to breathe for 10 minutes, then chug. tastes alright and so good for you. makes the hangover go away too. why? dunno.
Posted by: dan | December 7, 2005 12:29 AM
what store sells sparks? i've only found it at the upstairs bar at dc9.
Posted by: marcus | December 7, 2005 01:59 AM
Reminds me of the B2 (pronounced 'b-squared' y'all) crap Budwiser came out with a few months ago. Wonder if it's still out there.
BTW - gotta love the big scientology ad vb's sporting now :) Have you crossed to the dark side Toby?
Posted by: Dan | December 7, 2005 09:55 AM
Toby hasn't crossed to the dark side.
Toby IS the dark side.
And I just love the... beige of that couch. It does go amazingly well with that genuinely manly double chin too - way to go.
Posted by: MrM. | December 7, 2005 02:00 PM
Are we expected to disregard the fact that you are wearing the exact same hoody on every of your pictures ?
Posted by: Tristan | December 7, 2005 02:36 PM
Also - if you've got a pounding headache the morning after, try sudafed (or similar) instead of aspirin. Irish ex-bf gave me the heads up on that one, go figure...
Posted by: Dan | December 7, 2005 04:03 PM
I want to see the other pics too!
Posted by: Roy | December 8, 2005 10:21 AM
btw, i don't know if you chose your ads, but a scientology ad on a gay blog seems inapropriate (see link)
Posted by: cs | December 8, 2005 11:02 AM
Haven't been to the WSC, but the Gold's Gym on 20th, between L and M is pretty decent. And cheaper too I imagine. They always seem to have specials going on for new memebers.
Posted by: Chris | December 8, 2005 01:48 PM
i like you alot ... i want to know more about you ... i want to be your friend - your best friend ...
Posted by: billyboy | December 8, 2005 04:21 PM
Your site is advertising the abusive Church of Scientology..wtf??!!
They're hideously anti-gay, yet you are hosting their advertising. Shocked, and disgusted.
Posted by: Sven | December 9, 2005 12:47 AM
we want to see those pics of u naked adn drawn!
http://greenspacesg.blogspot.com/
Posted by: greenspacers | December 9, 2005 04:53 AM
hey, double chins are cute sometimes! especially when they are the ones that only appear when you're in a certain position.
when i was going through my fraternity phase, i'd be drunk every night of the week at school (Go Noles!) and the next morning i'd be so hungover and spent so on the way to class i'd stop by the vending machine and get a liter of Sprite.
NOW, whenever i'm hung over, all i have to do is drink some Sprite. i dunno, guess my body just got used to it. it works everytime.
i dunno bout the gyms by you, Toby, but stay away from the heavily gay ones. the heavily gay ones up here are so distracting! between having to fight off cruisers, chatty biatches, self centered snotrags, and keeping yourself from staring at hotties--it's just not worth the money.
...well, the staring at the hotties part maybe is.
Posted by: Bobby Alexander | December 9, 2005 07:47 AM
sparks needs a mascot like the swedish bikini team but all naked drunk passed out guys.
Posted by: avi | December 10, 2005 01:51 AM
Why doesn't the Scientology link work? I want to read more so I can out why I'm supposed to hate it.
Boy, is this one of your tricks? I'm gone hafta whup you.
Posted by: richwhiteboy | December 10, 2005 05:49 PM
Oh. I forget to tell you I put a vividblurry link on my blog. Was I supposed to ask first?
Posted by: richwhiteboy | December 12, 2005 06:08 PM
Hi man, just saying hello!!!
I´m here voting for your blog as the best because I think your blog has an amazing desing, I started voting for art and architecture blogs, and then I ended here, Congratulations man.
Augusto.
Posted by: Augusto | December 13, 2005 05:01 AM
Toby... I'm running on 9 days without a blog entry from you. I feel more desperate than a sorority girl searching for a Xanax & Chardonnay cocktail as a low-cal buzz.....
Posted by: Christopher | December 13, 2005 08:37 PM
Yellow #5 (A.k.a Tartrazine) is made out of something not-so-charming. God, forgive me because Sparks has been a good friend to me in the past year, but it's made out of COAL TAR.
Um? Ugh.
Just a bit of trivia.. it's not going to stop me from my love!
Posted by: Joel | August 3, 2007 02:36 AM
you've got a pounding headache the morning after, try sudafed (or similar) instead of aspirin. Irish ex-bf gave me the heads up on that one, go figure...
Posted by: Aaliya | January 28, 2008 05:06 AM