i abstained from 'bachelor in paris'
I have no idea why I'm watching "Jake In Progress."
Is it because its rating of TV-PG-D intrigued me? No....
Is it because John Stamos is so hot? PERHAPS.
Or, is it because I was too lazy to change the channel after "Emily's Reasons Why Not"? Yeah, that sounds about right.
I'll never let you live this down, Stamos. NOT IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO.
Now, at first, I struggled to come up with reasons to watch "Emily's Reasons Why Not" - but then I figured, "Hey, why not!" This rationalization soon proved itself to be severely nearsighted and illogical. There are, in fact, many, many reasons why not to watch "Emily's Reasons Why Not," the foremost being Heather "Fucking" Graham. I have nothing against Heather Graham, per se - I mean, not in the way I wage my wrath in its entirety against Andie "Stupid Accent" MacDowell. Augh, I don't even feel like explaining myself. It's Heather Graham, for crying out loud! Why does she have her own TV show! WHY?!
She's like the girl next door who you hate for no real reason, it just feels right.
I won't even get into "Jake In Progress." There was this one scene where John Stamos is trying to convince his ex-girlfriend to renew their relationship, and it's all awkard, but then there's me, in my living room, watching John Stamos as he tries to renew his career, and it was doubly awkward! In general, though, the show wasn't that bad and didn't bash gays as much as "Emily's Reasons Why Not," so I guess that is good.
Anyway, it sure was great, seeing all of you D.C. bloggers at Ana Marie Cox' reading tonight at Politics & Prose - NOT. Seriously, where the fuck were you people! Some idiot uttered the word "blogosphere" during the question-and-answer period, and I swear, Ana Marie Cox died a little on the inside. Sadly, only one person recognized me: ANA MARIE COX HERSELF! She told the audience that I am hilarious and an alcoholic. I knew then and there that I had made it.
Okay, I'm going to go because my Tivo has evidently picked up on something that contains the keywords "plastic surgery" or "gay." Hopefully it's another 17-year-old getting breast implants. Can't get enough of that shit!
Really? You think Renee Zellwegger has had plastic surgery? Pssh.
Comments
You're having a pretty good writing stretch...much better than writing about some twat with a bad dye job:-)
Posted by: JAC | January 9, 2006 11:31 PM
I really really hate to be annoying, but I started my own blog and I need publicity. http://churchofannette.blogspot.com/
Yeah, Full House was a great show. YOU GOT IT, DUDE!
Posted by: Tonya Shingles | January 9, 2006 11:33 PM
hey, even i wanted to go to the reading and i don't even live in D.C. that's cool that you got a shout-out. and i can't stand Heather Graham. her guest spot on sex and the city was almost as annoying uncomfortable to watch as geri halliwell's. almost.
Posted by: Bobby Alexander | January 10, 2006 12:14 AM
just an idea but... you could go drinking (since cox said you are an alcoholic) instead of watching crappy tv.
Posted by: clicheguy | January 10, 2006 06:58 AM
I am so happy to hear that someone shares my hatred for Andie McDowell! I thought I was alone. She has the distinction of uttering what I consider the most cringe-inducing line ever caught on film. In "Four Weddings and a Funeral," when Hugh Grant compliments her on her big ol' hat, and she says, "Thaaaanks. I bawt it spey-shullie." I could die.
Posted by: Zach | January 10, 2006 09:42 AM
As a new member of the DC "blogosphere," I apologize for not attending the Wonkette book signing. I was too busy getting your roommate hammered.
Hope you understand.
Posted by: Rusty | January 10, 2006 09:46 AM
Hmph...didn't even hear about this 'blogosphere' gathering. I guess I'm in some other 'sphere.
Or maybe my blog is 'too nice'.
Posted by: jimbo | January 10, 2006 12:17 PM
You are so the man when it comes to giving people down the road. Last year I was the only person that shut down Brat Boy School for 4 days anyway. Just wanted to mark out to you and wanted you to come and see my blogs.
http://othersideoffatboy.blogspot.com/
http://bratboyschool.blogspot.com/
Posted by: Kyle | January 10, 2006 01:58 PM
Ana Marie Cox is coming to Austin next week and I was invited to an 'after-party' after her reading. I don't really want to go to the reading but was thinking of the party. (God this was the lamest comment ever. Sorry.)
Posted by: Charlie | January 10, 2006 02:17 PM
The only role I've ever liked Heather Graham in was "Rollergirl" from Boogie Nights. It's been downhill ever since. She needs to stop the cutesy girl act and get back to playing fabulous whores...
Posted by: Anton | January 10, 2006 06:26 PM
Haha. I can't figure out why I hate Heather as well. There's something about her face that's not right.
Posted by: Kiss My Mike | January 10, 2006 07:12 PM
I watched "Emily's Reasons..." and though it was a little okay, I don't picture I will become a regular viewer. Also John Stomas is the only reason I hated Full House. He annoys me.
Posted by: David Quinn | January 10, 2006 08:16 PM
My friend and I were at the reading and were totally thrilled to hear your disembodied voice (we couldn't actually see you from where we were sitting) announce yourself. When Ana Marie Cox said you were hilarious, we nodded in silent agreement and admiration. Had we been in a less bookish, more cocktail-friendly environment, we most certainly would have given you a vocal shout out. Vive le Vividblurry.
Posted by: Lisa G | January 10, 2006 09:04 PM
i saw the last 5 minutes of emily whatever it's called and it was too much. basically all i got out of it was the cameraman likes up angle shots on her boobs when she's walking down stairs and she likes to smile at men outside of unisex bathrooms which is creepy in my opinion. then i tried jake in progress but his friend with the beard just bugs me too much. and then i tried the bachelor and while the woman crying over wanting to "reproduce" was amusing, the bachelor himself is so boring. and paris is so cliche. abc sucks.
Posted by: avi | January 10, 2006 10:57 PM
As one of the friends of the aforecommented Lisa G who was also at the reading, we generally agreed later that we were too starstruck (and bowled over by your general hotness) to dare to approach.
Posted by: PCG | January 11, 2006 09:19 AM