I need six eggs - that's too expensive!
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death to the Gentleman Friend's apartment, I take a look at my life and realize there'd be nothing left had I spent my high school nights smoking marijuana with my friends on a dimly lit street corner.
(Granted, I lived on a cul de sac, so there were no street corners. I had a deprived childhood.)
But it's true: Columbia Heights is one bad-ass neighborhood, complete with bad-ass teenaged hoodlums, bad-ass stray dogs, and bad-ass fatal shootings. Although - and any bemortgaged pioneer in gentrification will tell you so - it is not without its charms.
To wit: The colorful street vendor of the neighborhood park, selling his wares to all with a $20 bill in their pockets and a sense of discretion in their hearts. But what, exactly, does he sell? 'Tis a mystery - one that I'm not willing to solve at this juncture in time. Maybe when the police take the flood lights down, I'll check it out. (Yeah, not really.)
In all seriousness, I like Columbia Heights. Reminds me of a little song I used to sing...
In a quiet District,
Ev'ry day
Like the one before!
Little town
Full of little people
Waking up to say...
Hey, girl!
Hello! Hola! What's up!
There goes the dealer with his drugs, like always!
The same old crack cocaine to sell!
Ev'ry morning just the same
Since the morning that we came
To this transitioning provincial town...
Good morning, Belle!
Okay, enough of that.
If it isn't obvious, I inadvertently witnessed a drug-dealing for the first time last night - and on my way to buy eggs!
Addendum: I don't normally do this, but my good friend J. submitted a hilarious second chorus that will have us gettin' all 1991 up in herr'. Enjoy!
A total cracker, can't you tell?
Like headlights on a deer,
Another silly queer,
Made silly by a commonplace drug sell!
[Man 2]: Got shit?
[Man 1]: Yeah, Maui-wowie!
[Whore 1]: Papi!
[Man 3]: What bitch?!
[Whore 1]: Yo, where's my cut?
[Whore 2]: Let's take a ride
[Man 4]: That's too expensive!
[Toby]: This neighborhood is going to take my life!
Where's the hidden phallus?
Comments
hopefully you didn't have all your eggs in one basket ...
Posted by: rob | January 12, 2006 12:04 AM
You have to post a podcast of you singing "Belle" from B&TB!
Daniel V. sings "Part of your world" ini his projrun audition tape... so sexy. It's a must see!
Posted by: Nicolo | January 12, 2006 12:41 AM
boring. not interesting. boring. not fabulous. boring. just fucking boring and stupid.
TOBY SAYS: Then don't read my blog, douche. All of my entries are just as retarded.
Posted by: yousuck | January 12, 2006 02:13 AM
i grew up in the hood as well... i know how you feel man
Posted by: Ro | January 12, 2006 02:15 AM
I agree w/Nicolo. You should post a Podcast of you singing that song.
Posted by: Nick | January 12, 2006 08:03 AM
Did you take one of those "Which Disney Heroine Are You" tests again?
Posted by: anapestic | January 12, 2006 09:22 AM
First time? Honey, you've got to get out more often! Or, were you just being coy?
Posted by: K1rk | January 12, 2006 11:20 AM
Well, every neighborhood has its charm. As a newly bemortgaged Logan Circle resident I get to deal with: A) the halfway house for homeless/psychologically disturbed women on 14th and N. There's generally a group of 5-6 who hang outside the place at all hours. Can never quite tell whether they're yelling at me, each other or the hydrangea bushes. B) Those guys who quickly rush out of Crew Club while never looking at anything other than the sidewalk, sometimes careening right into pedestrians. Real inconspicuous. C) Having what should be a 10-minute grocery run to Whole Foods turn into a 1-hr social event because every fag in this city seems to spend a majority of their time on that one block of P St. And for these privileges I payed a 40% premium (roughly) on what a similar unit in CH would've cost me.
OK, yeah, I'm whining about nothing. I've been here for a few months and still haven't seen a drug deal go down. I'd probably have to go two whole blocks over to 11th St before I started seeing that ...
Posted by: Dan | January 12, 2006 01:13 PM
OMG...you totally crack me up! Love the song!
Posted by: Roy | January 12, 2006 02:58 PM
Oh Columbia Heights, long may your flag waive. I wonder if that was my dealer you saw?
TOBY SEZ: He was wearing a white puff-coat and standing on the corner of Fairmont and 14th.
Posted by: chrisafer | January 13, 2006 02:40 PM