He's alive!
Okay, sorry for not updating in a while, things have been busy, blah blah blah, let's move on, yes?
I felt sick all day yesterday (tummy ache - the doctor may have said Mylanta, but that shit doesn't work, besides I'm pretty sure he said Vicodin), so instead of going to the K Street gym after work as I "normally" (as in, conforming with a pattern established only within the past three weeks) do, I went home, made dinner, and then left for the Chevy Chase gym at around 8:30.
My fitness goal: To have the ass of a gazelle.
Let me just say that there really is nothing better than a late-night workout. First of all, no one is there - and since I had set myself up for a blind date with the squat rack, it was absolutely crucial that no one who takes himself as a serious body builder be anywhere within a mile radius of the gym.
Second, a late-night workout prevents me from doing the things I "normally" (as in, conforming with a pattern established during the first semester of college in 2001) do at night, which includes and is pretty much limited to watching "Cops" marathons and binge drinking. Of course, without racist criminal justice and intoxication, I'm left with very little to blog about, ergo my absense as of late. Shirley, you understand.
Does your mom get royalties from this?
In the interest of wrapping up this entry in a tidy bow, let me just say that this Missed Connection is not directed at me. In fact, I don't even know where the sauna is or what people do in there. (Is my faux-naivete charming or annoying?) However, I'm about as sure as a condom's ability to prevent pregnancy that I know who the two star-crossed sauna pals are. (I don't know them personally, I just saw them flitting about the gym.)
My question is, do guys always fool around in the sauna? What about the straight guys who just want to, um, I dunno, steam themselves? (Is that the purpose of the sauna?) Ah, so many questions, SO MANY PERKS OF MY GYM MEMBERSHIP WASTED!
Me: 30, white, nice chest. You: four years old. Coffee sometime?
Comments
Oh hell. Must. work. out. Thanks for reminding me.
Posted by: Brenda | February 1, 2006 08:05 PM
Tony Little creeps me out in a big, big way. Thanks, Toby...glad you're writing again and all, but my therapist didn't need no mo' of my money...and now the dogs are barking in my head again... :-)
Posted by: JAC | February 1, 2006 11:46 PM
Hey Toby,
I just stumbled here from a blog that reads a blog that reads ur blog...so im a friend of a friend of a friend. I just wanted to come over and see what all ranting is about, and I MUST SAY I did enjoy reading the many posts i did today and hope to return to read the rest.
I hope we will come to be friends, and if u have a chance head on over to my blog and say hi
ELMO
Posted by: ELMO | February 2, 2006 12:26 AM
Why did you write about the gym on the very day I decided to sleep in and skip it? Guilt overload... body dysmorphia rising...
Posted by: Sam | February 2, 2006 12:56 AM
I must say, at times the sauna is actually used for something other than anonymous sexual encounters. At least, whenever I'm in it.
Posted by: Josh | February 2, 2006 02:15 AM
I don't see the attraction of saunas. I don't like to sweat. And if you sex in the sauna, you sweat that much more. No thanks.
Posted by: Bourgeois Nerd | February 2, 2006 03:07 AM
I fucking hate faggots who play with themselves in the sauna. That's so fucking tacky.
Fags.
Posted by: chadiqua | February 2, 2006 03:22 AM
I thought Chevy Chase was a quiet upper-middle-class family oriented kind of place. This new information would explain why only the forgotten and the damned are left at Results.
Posted by: Tristan | February 2, 2006 10:14 AM
Come clean. Do you post those missed connections so you'll have something to blog about? Who's really dumb enough to think that something's going to come from posting a missed connection? Does anyone really read them? If you played with a guy in the sauna, couldn't you just go back to the sauna the same time another day? If you wanted to talk to the guy or take him back to your place, wouldn't the easiest way to ask him be when you were messing around in the sauna? Am I unnaturally worked up over this minor bit of idiocy? No one has to answer that last one.
Posted by: anapestic | February 2, 2006 10:18 AM
Tony Little lives in my neighborhood. You see his goofy ass riding around in his land rover all the time. He is such a fag.
Posted by: damien | February 2, 2006 10:52 AM
"Playing" in the sauna is disgusting and gives all gay men a bad name, and reinforces those stereotypes we're always trying to break. Ugh.
I remember one time at my Bally's, though. I was changing in the locker room, and someone shouts from the shower/sauna area, "Cut that sh*t out!! This ain't the crew club!!" I almost busted my gut laughing. I can just imagine the embarrassment of the culprits. Serves them right, shyoot.
Posted by: R-R | February 2, 2006 11:00 AM
Don't call me Shirley.
Glad you're back Toby, we missed you.
Oh, and Chox is a fag
(wink)
Posted by: Kel de Texas | February 2, 2006 11:53 AM
I just don't understand why anyone would willingly want to go in a chamber that simulates DC in August.
Posted by: jimbo | February 3, 2006 12:40 PM
coincidentally a cheetah's fitness goal is also to have the ass of a gazelle. hopefully yours won't end up eaten. or perhaps...
Posted by: avi | February 11, 2006 06:32 PM