You can catch a bus, but can you throw one?
I'm one of those people who refuse to "run, don't walk" to a bus pulling away from its stop or a subway train pulling away from the station. There really is nothing more stupid looking than some discheveled oaf who's futilely "running" (Fat, sloppy people who rely on public transportation don't really run, it's more of a hasty lumbering) to a bus, only to see it drive off down Connecticut Avenue without him. See, I don't ever miss the bus (If you aren't frantically trying to catch the bus, how can you miss it?), so I'm usually able to view this spectacle from the comfort of the elderly/disability section of the Metrobus (whatever). These people always make me angry so I refuse to become one of them.
Similarly, I refuse to jaywalk. And don't give me any of that "Oh, I'm from New York, I always jaywalk" bullshit. I can't tell you how many times I've heard that! Is being a retard and walking into oncoming traffic to get to work 2 minutes earlier inherent of being from New York? Maybe so. But jaywalking isn't even remotely bad-ass - it's just stupid - so don't try to claim it as a result of growing up on the mean cul de sacs of Westchester County.
That said, I see people jaywalking across L Street during rush hour ALL THE TIME. They will just walk right in front of a moving vehicle and actually expect it to stop. I hope that one day I am able to witness the satisfying THUD of a jaywalker being run over by a Metrobus - preferably a Metrobus that is pulling away from some sorry soul who woke up late and therefore missed the bus. I would not feel bad for any of these two people!
I was reading an article about Tom Ford (I think) the other day, and he said that it's stupid for girls to carry around HUGE purses for their cell phone, wallet, water bottle, kaballah books, etc., because the ultimate sign of luxury is being able to afford carrying around NOTHING. The same thing applies to getting to and fro your destination of choice; the COOL thing to do is to be as if you really have nowhere to be, so why run for a bus? Running for buses is for poor people.
Of course, the fact that I take the bus to begin with sort of negates the entire argument, but hey, public transportation is a fact of life for (almost) any 22 year old climbing the corporate ladder from the bottom up! Perhaps I will request door-to-door service upon my annual review.
Comments
Surely the coolest thing would be to have an handbag, and not to have to carry anything in it?
Posted by: icecube | April 3, 2006 05:41 PM
It must be nice to have an employer who understands the concept of fashionably late.
Posted by: anapestic | April 3, 2006 06:54 PM
maybe i don't hate smuggy mcsmuggerson tom ford then?
Posted by: spencer | April 3, 2006 08:16 PM
When I was in Cologne, Germany, last month, I found myself engaged in my usual, frequent and flagrant jaywalking. Then something dawned on me: Nobody else was doing it.
I realized that every time I darted across an intersection against the light, I received these uncomprehending stares from the Germans, as if my head had just opened up and a large, horned reptile had sprung forth.
Fearing that I might wind up on a one-way train to whatever passes for Auschwitz these days, I slowed down and began crossing with all the other lemmings.
Posted by: Malcontent | April 4, 2006 04:32 PM
Try jaywalking in London and see what that gets you. Pedestrians in no way have the "right of way" in that city. I thought I would get run down after 10 minutes of walking around there.
And rather than it being nice to have an employer who understand fashionably late, maybe it is just nice not being a lazy ass who's late for work all the time. Don't get me wrong, I'm always late...and fashionable...but I would rather be late than be seen by Toby running frantically for the train. I would not have to worry about being seen running for a metro bus because I've never been on a metro bus.
Posted by: Carrie | April 4, 2006 10:34 PM