Hmm, something's missing. But what?

I wrote about Kings yesterday, so, naturally, I was in the mood to play it last night. I went over to Tay and Rusty's house with Cyber Agatha, and the fun began.

Not very long into the game, Tay drew a 10 and proceeded to pass legislation requiring Rusty to drink beer whenever anyone else drinks beer. Simple enough, but the new law swiftly emerged as the Second Amendment of Make-A-Rule, with the focus of debate centered largely on the definition of "whenever."

Is "whenever anyone else drinks beer" synonymous more broadly with drinking in general (both Kings and "leisurely sips" included), or does it pertain more narrowly towards drinking in the context of Kings only? Scholarly alcoholics (They exist!) will surely debate this important issue for years to come.

Discovering a kinship with today's menacingly activist judge, Agatha, Tay and I interpreted the rule as literal; Rusty would have to drink whenever anyone else takes a drink, even when the drink is not taken as a direct consequence of play. The flaw in our logic should have been obvious - but it did not reveal itself until Rusty drew an Ace, prompting a round of Waterfalls and the ultimate overturn of our ruling.

The general idea behind Waterfalls is that everyone must drink when the leader begins drinking. When the leader stops drinking, then and only then may the person to his left stop drinking, as well. When that person stops drinking, then the next person to his left can stop drinking, too. The chain continues until the last player puts his beer can down.

Now, if Rusty is the leader during Waterfalls, then, technically, all players are drinking when Rusty is drinking. But, with Tay's rule in affect, Rusty must drink whenever anyone else is drinking, too. Clearly, the path toward chaos and destruction - a veritable black hole of binge drinking - was short and unhindered. Had Tay not taken it upon herself to break the unending cycle, we all would have expired from alcohol poisoning.

Thank you, Tay, for saving my life.

Posted by Toby at 12:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (26)

A recurring theme: despair.*

I spent the holiday weekend in Rehoboth with the Gentleman Friend, 14 additional friends of somewhat lesser significance, and - evidently - the entire gay population of Washingon, D.C. It was all good though; people are generally more friendly and approachable when they are seen not only in a different context, but in a desperately revealing pair of squarecut swimtrunks.

Each day of my vacation unraveled in a similar fashion. Behold the unofficial schedule:

10:30 a.m. Wake up to the sound of either Jack laughing or a headboard banging against the shared wall of your bedroom.

11 a.m. Eat breakfast. Recover from shame. Accept the fact that things are a lot less socially awkward when everyone is drunk.

12 - 3 p.m. Lay on the beach. Complain about how hot it is. Marvel at former Metro Weekly Coverboy with heartbreakingly underdeveloped quads and suspiciously tightened abs.

3 p.m. Return to house. Consider pouring yourself the first alcoholic beverage of the day and becoming "That Guy."

3:10 p.m. Succumb to temptation. Begin what will ultimately become a 12-hour binge.

4 p.m. - 4 a.m. Mayhem. Debauchery. Shockingly forward displays of sexuality.

4 a.m. Pass the fuck out.

I mean, can your holiday beat that?

*That is not me.

Posted by Toby at 08:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)