The right to "beer" arms
Hmm, something's missing. But what?
I wrote about Kings yesterday, so, naturally, I was in the mood to play it last night. I went over to Tay and Rusty's house with Cyber Agatha, and the fun began.
Not very long into the game, Tay drew a 10 and proceeded to pass legislation requiring Rusty to drink beer whenever anyone else drinks beer. Simple enough, but the new law swiftly emerged as the Second Amendment of Make-A-Rule, with the focus of debate centered largely on the definition of "whenever."
Is "whenever anyone else drinks beer" synonymous more broadly with drinking in general (both Kings and "leisurely sips" included), or does it pertain more narrowly towards drinking in the context of Kings only? Scholarly alcoholics (They exist!) will surely debate this important issue for years to come.
Discovering a kinship with today's menacingly activist judge, Agatha, Tay and I interpreted the rule as literal; Rusty would have to drink whenever anyone else takes a drink, even when the drink is not taken as a direct consequence of play. The flaw in our logic should have been obvious - but it did not reveal itself until Rusty drew an Ace, prompting a round of Waterfalls and the ultimate overturn of our ruling.
The general idea behind Waterfalls is that everyone must drink when the leader begins drinking. When the leader stops drinking, then and only then may the person to his left stop drinking, as well. When that person stops drinking, then the next person to his left can stop drinking, too. The chain continues until the last player puts his beer can down.
Now, if Rusty is the leader during Waterfalls, then, technically, all players are drinking when Rusty is drinking. But, with Tay's rule in affect, Rusty must drink whenever anyone else is drinking, too. Clearly, the path toward chaos and destruction - a veritable black hole of binge drinking - was short and unhindered. Had Tay not taken it upon herself to break the unending cycle, we all would have expired from alcohol poisoning.
Thank you, Tay, for saving my life.
Comments
Your stupid interpretation left me with a stomachache you jerk.
Posted by: Rusty | July 7, 2006 12:56 PM
so coincidental! I taught my two cousins this weekend and they are hooked..It was red bulls and yeager and kings in the corner till 7am! I finally looked up the rules on line though, and it appears I've been playing slightyl diffrently. oh well anyway have a great weekend.
Posted by: karen | July 7, 2006 02:34 PM
LOL. Holy crap, your post was funny!
Alcohol-binge-drinking-feedback-loop. Hahahahaha.
Then you die.
:)
Posted by: fried-neurons | July 7, 2006 05:34 PM
"veritable black hole"???
Did I happen to stumble into Brat Boy University?
TOBY SAYS: Explain yourself.
Posted by: mac | July 7, 2006 05:54 PM
I'm beginning to think . . . yes, I'm slow . . . that you might be an alcoholic. But I love you all the more for that.
Posted by: mary | July 7, 2006 10:38 PM
This didn't fly very well in our little Italian town, even in anticipation of winning the World Cup on Sunday. The Italians don't understand this type of drinking. Their love affair with spirits is subtler, like making coffe with grappa instead of water... think mocha flavored turpentine. The Brits (we're quite the expat community here) after a while simply ignored the rules and wouldn't stop drinking and the Germans became first morose, then belligerent. So the game ultimately devolved into grinning Italians, secure now in their southern superiority after witnessing this spectacle, enthusiastically picking up and re-seating drunken Brits, urging another go, while the Germans damned their World Cup loss, and the Italians, through post-WWII historical irony.
What else have you got to play?
Posted by: Tim | July 8, 2006 05:32 AM
LOL!
Dear. Gawd.
Reading this, I'm overcome with a mix of awe, respect, and... jealousy. :-)
Posted by: jason | July 8, 2006 01:00 PM
I'm referring to a certain bloggers inate ability to make furniture disappear
TOBY SAYS: Oh, ha ha ha. I thought you were criticizing my grammar. Doh.
Posted by: mac | July 8, 2006 06:15 PM
from the flabby chest... to the gut... to the skinny legs... how does this kid damon get hired for porn?
http://www.gaypornblog.com/archives/2006/07/gay_porn_set_st_1.html#more
Posted by: Ugly Porn star | July 10, 2006 11:42 PM
UPS,
I'm sensing you wanted some from Damon and he turned you down. No need for bitterness brother. Let that rejection hurt go!
Posted by: James | July 12, 2006 06:31 PM
actually live very far from him and would run if i saw hiim
Posted by: Ugly Porn star | July 13, 2006 11:06 PM
UPS,
Riiiiiiiiight. So let me ask you a question: why are you even here talking about him? Toby's entry had nothing at all to do with the boy, but you felt a need to bring him up. Why? Is your heart still broken? Don't worry baby. Time heals all!
Posted by: James | July 14, 2006 11:23 AM
lol... i hope the therapy will help me get over it, Hunter. Ummm, I mean James.
Posted by: Ugly Porn star | July 14, 2006 03:09 PM
you've become really boring. step it up a notch.
Posted by: kwake | July 23, 2006 11:35 PM
Loving your blog... curious as to why certain posts were removed, i.e. How to play Kings in Mixed Company.
Posted by: AZgrl | July 24, 2006 12:28 PM
You're dead aren't you? I'm sorry. I hope it was peaceful.
Posted by: foggytop | July 26, 2006 12:34 AM
this isn't funny anymore...
please come back.
Posted by: Robert | July 31, 2006 03:54 PM
Hey, where'd you go? I just finished reading through all your old archives. Are you alive?
Posted by: Mike T. | July 31, 2006 06:15 PM
Please come back, Toby! Don't be dead.
Posted by: Timothy | August 1, 2006 07:32 PM
I might be talking out of my a$$ but I gather something happened with friends, Boyfriend or colleagues.
Based on deleted post on such,
I hope all is ok.
Keep writing Toby, even if it is just for yourself. I have enjoyed your words. Bitchy to introspective.
Tempest.Wylde@gmail.com
Posted by: TEMPEST | August 5, 2006 10:59 AM
HUBBA HUBBA!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Muff N. Taups | August 6, 2006 10:32 PM
another drinking game for you: the Rachel Ray drinking game!
http://www.chowhound.com/topics/show/302535
Posted by: Lisa | August 7, 2006 05:59 PM
Should we call somebody? I mean, what if that guy who took him to Puerto Rico went crazy or something?
I mean, I don't really care, but as a human being, I feel like I have to do SOMETHING.
Posted by: richwhiteboy | August 7, 2006 10:07 PM
obviously he's been hauled off to rehab. happens all the time.
Posted by: richwhiteboy | August 7, 2006 10:23 PM
Ok Toby - at least i know you are indeed alive..i saw you post over at Towleroad.
miss you!
Posted by: Robert | August 10, 2006 04:53 PM
Hey Toby,
Don't know where you're at, just hope you're doing okay. Come say hey to us again when you can.
Posted by: Adam | August 12, 2006 04:43 AM