Damn it. I summoned the green butterfly about an hour ago and the only things keeping me up right now are this blog and the car alarm outside my window. How does one go about silencing another's car alarm? I would throw a brick at it or something but the car is across the street and I don't have any bricks laying around. Maybe I'll record a portion of the alarm and sample it in my next hit song, "Ring the Alarm (Please For the Love of God Make It Stop)."

(This would certainly fare better on the pop charts than my other pet project, conceived Friday night at JRs when I suggested that Gwen Stefani sample Horst-Wessel-Lied, a former German national anthem extensively used at Nazi functions as well as being sung by the Nazi militia during street parades. Super kawaii, right? Add a beat and you've got something tailor-made for even the most social — or socialist — of gatherings.)

Given the odds (4:1), I had a really great New Year's Eve. I came home at 4 a.m., a little tipsy but certainly under an influence. I woke up a few hours later, watched some "Strangers With Candy," saw "Love and Death" with Agatha, worked on my new blog layout, ordered some Mr. Chen's, and then took a Lunesta.

By the way, in August I weighed 154 pounds. A few days ago I clocked in at 180. It's 207 in 2007, baby. How will I ever squeeze into a pair of squarecut briefs come beach season? HOW?