Unconditioner love
When you find your match, when you experience that previously unknown sense of completion, it hits you like a ton of bricks. Yet it is tempting to become complacent, to take what you've found for granted, only to witness what seemed to be the perfect fit leave your life with an exit as sudden as the entrance.
Trust me, I know.
I endured such heartbreak a few years ago and swore that I'd never put myself in a position to endure it again. And would you believe it? Here I am, yet again, cursed and alone. And confused. And afraid.
I'm talking, of course, about hair gel.
About four years ago, my salon stopped carrying Alterna Hemp Seed Sheer Pomade - my first true love, as far as hair products go. We were an unbeatable match. It gave me perfectly spiked hair with a curiously non-greasy shine, and in return, I drove Alterna's profit margins through the roof as I was feeding a tube-a-week habit.
Many good things come to an end, and this was no exception. The salon stopped carrying it, and I was left crying in the aisles of CVS, shamelessly rebounding with inferior pomades and gels. I'll admit to it: I was a total whore.
But then I met Studio Crystal Wax by L'Oreal. Not as good as Alterna, but it was certainly cheaper, and, when combined with a vigorous dose of hairspray, it did the job. I've been using that shit exclusively for the past four years. To say I use one 1.7 ounce tub every two weeks is a conservative estimate; that's about 20 pounds of hair gel, for those keeping score.
All of this leads up to the fact that L'Oreal has decided to STOP MAKING CRYSTAL WAX. They replaced the entire Studio line with a bunch of bullshit sprays and gels. I need WAX, people. My Italian mane does not spike itself.
I'm out of Crystal Wax and have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow. Maybe I'll have a meaningless and ultimately unsatisfying fling with L.A. Looks. Sigh.
Comments
I am so sorry for your loss, Toby. Tonight, draw a warm bath, light a jasmine candle, listen to some Sarah MacLaughlin, and try to remember the good times.
After that, try American Crew. It smells good and it works pretty damn well.
Posted by: Noosh | April 30, 2007 05:49 PM
Try graham webb britstyle styling paste -- i've never found anything else that has a more pliable, permanent hold that doesn't look greasy -- i've been using it fanatically for 5 years.
Posted by: Patrick | April 30, 2007 07:04 PM
pick up some redken-men pomade pick up some redken-men pomade or garnier fructis fiber gum?
i've used both, and they worked alright
Posted by: Jeff | April 30, 2007 08:29 PM
I shaved my head like Chris Richardson of Idol fame. Such things as gel no longer worry me. I now have enough money saved up too to finally buy a house here.
Posted by: John | April 30, 2007 08:57 PM
This has nothing to do with your gellin' , but I think you'd be interested to know I had a dream about you last night!
Which is so wierd because I hardly ever even look at your blog any more.
Anyway, here is the dream. We were at a party with a bunch of people, and we were all sitting on the floor on these big cushions, and you came over and curled up beside me and I put my arm around you and we started talking.
And we decided to leave the party and take a drive, except my car wouldn't start (a 2006 BMW 235i) so I called my father, who is now dead, and he brought me my old car from college, an Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, and off we went.
Several other people went with us. We were looking for some restaurant. None of us were naked.
You were standing up through the sunroof and pumping your arms in the air when SUDDENLY! A huge tornado appeared out of nowhere.
I stopped and we all ran off into this ditch by the side of the road. And then just as the tornado was about to land on us and carry us away I woke up.
Well that was my dream. Make of it what you will.
And no, I am not stalking you. I just had to get this wierd dream out of my system.
OK. Now I'm afraid to hit the post button because you are going to think I'm crazy, but I'm not. I'm going to do it anyway.
Posted by: richwhiteboy | April 30, 2007 09:29 PM
ditto on the American Crew.
the AC Fiber works wonders on my dago-fro when i use it with a little hairspray.
Posted by: vince | April 30, 2007 09:41 PM
Yeah, American Crew Fibre - but stay away from the citrus mint shit - low hold factor and leaves hair greasy. - also can be hard to wash out.
Posted by: Adrian | April 30, 2007 10:06 PM
You gotta layer wax and gel if you want perfect results. Start with a nice helping of Bumble&Bumble sumotech, then give it a layer of Phyto Pro sculpting gel with myrrh extract. Try this once, and you'll thank me, your hair will look delicious. Unfortunately, with prices of $27 and $18 respectivelyfor these products, you'll probably be cursing me for getting you addicted to a relatively costly habit.
I don't know about D.C., but the Bloomie's here gives away bumble & bumble samples to hook you - just like crack, the first time's free!
Posted by: sully | May 1, 2007 07:12 AM
When Andre stopped making their mimosa flavored "champagne," I was heartbroken. I was too young and knew we shouldn't be involved, but still, it hurt. A lot.
And GOD, I am sooo paranoid that Fresca will one day be no more.
Posted by: Agatha | May 1, 2007 11:01 AM
i'm assuming he meant 2006 BMW 325i. if one must name drop your car, make sure you have the correct model and trim.
i love Bumble& Bumble.
Posted by: the boyfriend | May 1, 2007 12:41 PM
sugar..ive been known to drive out to the burbs to get my alterna hair products...
cause you cant use this much bleach and not use Alternas hemp deep conditioning shampoo and conditioner...
next time..ill try to score you some pomade..
im just that kinda girl... you know a product whore..
cheers
xoxo
Posted by: suicide_blond | May 1, 2007 01:43 PM
probably tied to the inexplicable disappearance of honeybees.
Posted by: Scott | May 1, 2007 03:59 PM
L'Oreal Studio Crystal Wax? Oh, Toby...
You want Bumble and Bumble Sumo Wax or Sumo Tech. Or Texture Line's (very stiff) pomade, or yes, American Crew. All will give you superior shine to that Studio crap, and plus you don't have to essentially remove a layer of skin from your fingers after application to get it off (the pomade, I mean).
Posted by: Timothy | May 1, 2007 04:41 PM
I hope you'll be able to cope. Call anytime...I mean it...really
Posted by: Jason | May 1, 2007 07:35 PM
I feel your pain. I used to use Alterna, I think it was molding mud. A light texturizing product with just enough hold for the light spike that I like up front. I can still find it...but it went from a 4 oz tub to 1.7 oz...and still cost $18! No thank you. I switched to Got2Be Creme Pomade. Sounds like you need something stronger, though. I don't know the brand (again, it's been a LONG time) but one hair stylist used to use something called "Pom-mousse". That was good stuff. Oh, and as for American Crew...I liked it...but it made my forehead breakout something awful...no matter how much I cleansed. And it didn't hold well either, by the end of the day it was a greasy mess. And don't forget...CVS has a money-back guarantee on all it's beauty products (I used to work there) so, just save your receipts and try something til you find something you like.
Good luck!
Posted by: Bill | May 3, 2007 01:37 PM
Have you tried KMS Hair Play?
Posted by: Matt | May 9, 2007 06:50 AM