Hush, just stop.
Thank god for Sarah Silverman, because SOMEONE had to do SOMETHING after that abortion of a VMA performance just now.
But you know, ultimately, those jokes about her vagina and her poor neglected children and her downward-spiral career trajectory are undeserved. Because she deserves NOTHING. She doesn't deserve a comeback. She doesn't deserve our attention. She doesn't even deserve our condescension.
But for one last time - and this is a promise - I will heed her mind. So pay attention.
Here are some tips for the next time you decide to embarrass yourself and your fans on live national television.
1. LOSE SOME FUCKING WEIGHT.
2. And if you are too lazy to do No. 1, then put on some damn clothes. You are TOO OLD and TOO FAT for sequined panties.
3. Try using your rehearsal time to LEARN THE CHOREOGRAPHY.
4. Also, BOTHER TO LEARN THE WORDS TO YOUR SONG.
Oh, I'm sorry, are we boring you out here in the audience? Well, WAKE UP. You get ONE CHANCE with me, and you fucking blew it.
Honestly, I am so disappointed and enraged and sad that I cannot even form words. What would you say about her performance? Can you think of ONE POSITIVE THING to say? I can't. Not even one. She has proven herself to be entirely undeserving of my adoration. Goodbye, Britney. The train has pulled away from the station, and I'm moving on.
Comments
It was a car wreck of bloody proportions. How can you not stop looking at the carnage?
Gimme, gimme less, gimme less, gimme, gimme less...
Posted by: Steven. | September 9, 2007 10:34 PM
It's tragic, bitch
Gimme gimme (no) more.
Posted by: Aaron | September 9, 2007 10:36 PM
i couldn't stop laughing. i don't think anyone expected it to go well.
Posted by: Jonny | September 9, 2007 11:08 PM
Train. Wreck. How long has she known about this performance?!? Like, forever? Poof...there goes the comeback.
Posted by: pianoforte | September 9, 2007 11:14 PM
It was so bad, but for some reason I couldn't tear my eyes away. On point with the weight thing...I had a baby 6 months ago and look better than her but I still wouldn't wear a crop top!!! Embarrasing.
(on a side note, whats with the "gin" word confirm below?? cute)
Posted by: Sarah G | September 9, 2007 11:58 PM
As if it wasn't obvious that she didn't know what she was doing, we had the lovely cameras to zoom in up close as she looked around at the other back up dancers for clues as to what hip-thrust to do next. We all knew she wasn't actually going to sing live but she couldn't even be bothered lip-sync it either. To top it all off, she was the least-dressed one on stage!
Posted by: mac | September 10, 2007 12:23 AM
Toby, i feel you.. i am deeply saddened by the performance. I dont know what to say and i dont know to do. I am speechless....I wont say goodbye the least or should i? I dont know...
Posted by: Nem | September 10, 2007 01:03 AM
Oxycontin and alcohol should be reserved for after the performance, bitch.
This is truly one of the saddest things I've seen recently. I mean, it's not sadder than the Iraq war or Bush thinking he was at an OPEC conference, but still.
Posted by: d | September 10, 2007 08:55 AM
One positive thing: Every sketch comedy artist in America is thanking God for Britney Spears right about now. Just in time for fall tv!
Another positive thing: I have never been so motivated to get on the elliptical machine as I was this morning. Right when I started to lose motivation, CNN thoughtfully reran clips of her performance. Yow.
If the camera adds ten pounds, she must have had three on her.
I think what makes it super painful is that it happened on the same night that her ex won everything in sight and looked like Mr Cool. And she shows up overweight in a bad costume, wandering lost onstage in front of god and everybody, can't sing, can't dance, blowing it all. You know Justin is thinking he dodged a huge bullet with that one.
Posted by: Greg | September 10, 2007 09:35 AM
It's Britney people. Her talent has ALWAYS been suspect.
Posted by: James | September 10, 2007 07:31 PM
This is what happens when there is no more puppet pulling the strings.
Posted by: Tom | September 10, 2007 07:43 PM
I have been completely mystified by Britney's fame for the past umpteen years. Why does anyone care about her? What's her talent?
Lindsay Lohan is charismatic and talented. Aguilera can sing. Paris... uh... poses and is named after a hotel.
But Britney? Why, people... why.
Posted by: britneywho | September 11, 2007 01:08 AM
To Britneywho
The answer is..It's Britney, Bitch! wink
Posted by: nem | September 12, 2007 12:55 AM