Rinse with warm honey mustard
I was in the kitchen earlier this evening, whipping up a fresh batch of frozen boneless chicken wings and thinking to myself about how I'm going to make a wonderful homemaker some day, when I got a hankering for my favorite powdered beverage, none other than Crystal Light.
My goodness, I love me some Crystal Light. I could drink an entire pitcher of the stuff in one sitting. And I have. And I did. Tonight. Hmm - I wonder what happens when you drink a gallon of flavored water moments before going to bed? I'm guessing I'll find out at some point around 4 a.m.
What happened next is an indictment of the fact that I should never be allowed to live by myself. As the pitcher filled with water, I tore the foil lid from the Crystal Light container with my teeth, effectively causing most of the powder to explode into my left eye. It hurt more than you'd think. A LOT more.
I dropped the container and screamed out in pain - but no one was in the apartment to hear my cries! With my life flashing before my one unflavored eye, I consulted the Crystal Light box for guidance. Shockingly, there were no instructions in case of direct exposure to the eye. Also shocking: no results for this.
Sigh. I should probably call out sick tomorrow. No one wants to catch pink eye; I'd imagine pink lemonade eye is equally contagious.
Comments
Check your family tree brother. Chicken wings and Crystal Light (essentially high-class Kool-Aid)?! Somebody in your family is passing. And if you don't know what that means read "The Human Stain" or watch "The Imitation of Life."
Posted by: James | September 5, 2007 11:11 PM
Whatever you do, don't give them the Crystal Light excuse. Ever.
Posted by: Steven. | September 6, 2007 12:11 AM
"my one unflavored eye." I love it.
Am I the only one old enough to remember the "I believe in Crystal Light, cause I believe in me!" jingle? Anyone?
Posted by: Lisa G | September 6, 2007 05:30 AM
This tells me a lot about you.
SPECIAL NOTE: BEWARE OF NATURAL SELECTION
Lisa G---I finished the jingle in my head before I finished reading your post. Incidently, that was when it came in a big pringles-type can with a plastic scoop. Sounds like Mr. Vividblurry.com might have saved himself some damage by being born about five years earlier.
Posted by: Alfonzo | September 6, 2007 02:54 PM
You can borrow my eye patch, but I'll need it back by Halloween. I'm totally rawkin' the gay pirate thing this year, Johnny Depp-style, only hotter and with more mascara.
Now, where can I find a gold tooth?
Posted by: Aaron | September 6, 2007 05:51 PM
Your funniest post ever!! Brills! Sorry you had to endure so much pain for humor.
~joseph
Posted by: pianoforte | September 7, 2007 05:21 PM
OUCH, thats gotta hurt! Go easy on the crystal light.Ha
Posted by: T Town Tommy | September 25, 2007 11:26 PM