The perfect body
[H/T: TMZ]
I dream that I will gain 60 pounds of muscle and John Cena will move to D.C. and we will become best friends and my boyfriend will learn to like the man despite his disproportionately aged face and we'll all help each other groom and apply self-tanner to those hard-to-shave places and I'll finally be happy with myself.
Comments
And, then maybe you two can star in WWE-approved movies together, like The Marine 2: Twice The Fun, Twice The Fucking.
TOBY SAYS: Um, yeah. About "The Marine." You can't multiply zero by two, sadly.
Although there are some good scenes in which he's running in slow-mo.
Posted by: Steven. | January 23, 2008 12:26 PM
Doesn't his face look sorta like Jamie's in that picture?
Posted by: Bolt Upright | January 23, 2008 12:42 PM
Gross.
Posted by: Matt | January 23, 2008 05:25 PM
Uh...you're already better looking than John Cena...
Posted by: KevinQC | January 23, 2008 06:29 PM
Yes, John Cena is pretty damn hot, but right now, I have an obsession with Matt Hammond.....oohh....girl....
BTW, if you don't start using some kind of skin care products now, that's what you have to look forward to, when your body fat gets that low, some gauntness is a very real possibility.
Posted by: Alfonzo | January 23, 2008 06:57 PM
John Cena... yum! Oh how I miss the days when he wrestled in those spandex boxer-briefs (in assorted neon colors!), though. That bubble butt is mouth-watering.
Posted by: Bourgeois Nerd | January 23, 2008 09:50 PM
Ok, just get on some good psych drugs already. This guy is gross, and I can't believe your boyfriend or any other thinking, feeling man would ever want to put his arms around a slab of steroid bloat.
You are wasting your time and your youth. Snap out of it.
Posted by: d | January 24, 2008 10:28 AM
Which raises an interesting question: If Toby's man actually WANTS him to look that way (which admittedly was not implied in this post), doesn't that make him an enabler of the worst kind?
My ex was a lot more fun when he drank, but he was also an alcoholic on a glidepath to complete self-destruction. I was prepared for a less-fun boyfriend in exchange for him being healthy, although he never got to that point, which is why his status is "ex."
TOBY SAYS: My boyfriend hates John Cena and does not want me to look like that. Only I want me to look like that.
Posted by: Matt | January 24, 2008 12:57 PM
Only I want me to look like that.
Like the man said, snap out of it!
Posted by: KevinQC | January 24, 2008 01:53 PM
how could he hate John Cena? what's he ever done to him besides inspire you to devote your life to body building. Heh somedays I dream of being that big too..but i don't want to sacrifice any testicle size to do it.
Besides he isn't always that pumped up. http://tinyurl.com/3ayket
Posted by: Tim | January 24, 2008 02:09 PM
He looks like a cartoon character to me.
Maybe a cartoon character I'd have sex with once or twice, but that's it.
Posted by: Frontier Psychiatrist | January 24, 2008 04:06 PM
i don't hate john cena. in fact, i've actually cheered him on quite loudly at a WWE Raw event that i went to about a year ago. if Toby aspires to that build, i'm completely fine with that as long as he does it in a smart, healthy and legal manner.
TOBY SAYS: And this is why I love you!! :)
Posted by: the boyfriend | January 24, 2008 04:10 PM
when do you get to NYC? and can I buy you a drink?
Posted by: JS | January 24, 2008 05:45 PM
That's just too much.
Posted by: PatrickP | January 25, 2008 01:22 AM
Come on, be real. You still won't be happy.
Posted by: Kevin | January 25, 2008 07:45 AM
What a great boyfriend. And John Cena is still hot. I think it's great that you've set a goal for yourself, one that doesn't involve how much money you can spend or how pretty can I look or how much coke can I put up nose. I don't understand why people are getting so pissy because you want to look muscular (and REALLY HOT). I'm on the same boat with Toby, I'd be hella happy if I had the body of John Cena.
PS-I agree guys on steroid look gross....when they do them incorrectly. Apparently John Cena is doing them the right way, because he is HOT.
Disclaimer: I in no way condone the use of steriods, or the roid rage, bacne, or noodledick that comes along with it.
Posted by: Alfonzo | January 25, 2008 01:19 PM
And then you wake up.
For some reason when I first saw John Cena, I thought Michael Cera, and I was very confused.
Posted by: TED | January 25, 2008 02:33 PM
I suppose bodybuilding is a more worthy pursuit than rampant consumerism or drug addiction (although often it seems to have something to do with both). To each his own.
I do hope, however, that Toby spends as much time writing (not for us, even) as he does working out -- or obsessing about working out, or thinking he's not good enough, or obsessing about how he thinks he's not good enough -- because he's really talented.
Posted by: d | January 25, 2008 05:15 PM
Just a heads up: There's a Bruce Weber photo shoot of John Cena in L'Uomo Vogue.
He looks hot, but he is wearing jean shorts.
Posted by: Frontier Psychiatrist | January 28, 2008 09:52 AM
I have got just 3 words for this entire site.
WHAT THE HELL??????????????
Posted by: Cakes and Pies | January 30, 2008 07:48 PM
I share your John Cena appreciation and I could care less if he looks a bit weathered...men look better slightly worn. Plus I saw him on latenight TV recently and the man is funny, charming, self-deprecating and quick-witted. All he needs is some chest fur and I am his.
Posted by: EssEm | February 21, 2008 10:00 AM