I borrowed this format from Kosmo Krator. Don’t read his blog unless you like beefy gay rugby players.

technica
born – a taurus in 1983
live – washington, d.c., u.s.a.
educated – i don’t need an education, i learnt all i need from you
employed – mercenary

things my grandmother taught me
deal a deck of cards like that on a casino boat and you’d be thrown overboard
play to win – even if you’re playing with a six-year-old
it’s not your job to fix other people’s problems
if you think your grandson is gay, ask him
polenta made in the microwave tastes just fine

things i want to do before i turn 25 30
weigh over 200 pounds of mostly muscle
earn the nickname “big toby”
make a living in the health/fitness industry
write a book
learn to dance

faults and fears and bits
afraid – zombie/alien/horror movies, paralysis, cancer, losing a limb, talking to people i perceive to be more attractive than myself
not afraid – heartbreak, aging, talking to losers
want – prescription steroids administered by a reputable physician
need – bupropion

things i already know how to do
gain a ton of weight in a relatively short period of time
deal with online haters and trolls
cook healthy meals for myself and others
live below my means
distinguish true friends from the fakers

things i want to know how to do
not feel the need to impress people
get people to describe me to others as “nice”
gain muscle while losing fat
be tan year-round